When we started self-practice last year, I first trained so that I had imaginary contact with the group, which means at the same time I had led the group before pandemic. But this way did not last me long. Saturday's meeting, where people talked mainly about the feeling, became a great motivation and instruction on how to continue.
I realized that it's not just about “how I feel” as I felt usually well, but about “what I feel”. I couldn't answer that. I also realized that by practicing a certain amount of movements, nothing will really happen. It seemed to me that I had to start from the beginning. For several months, I have been practicing only foundations (tendon changing exercises, tor-yu, don-yu), monkeys and brush knee, as we did during the last retreat, and followed the instructions we received then.
I never talked much to people about myself, especially about my feelings, as I couldn´t talk about them well - they were associated with very strong emotions that I couldn't handle. I started practicing Taoist Tai Chi® arts precisely because I heard that "it can work with emotions". Now that I've been training alone for a long time, I find that to be the case. I am calmer, I can express myself better about different feelings, even name them, not succumb to self-pity.