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Letting Go of Worry

Having had eye problems for almost two years, when my opticians emailed to say they were able to offer non-emergency eye tests again I made an appointment as ignoring it obviously hadn’t worked as well as I had hoped.

On impulse I decided to pay for an additional photograph of the back of the eye and this highlighted the problem. The optician said she would email the photo to the eye pavilion that day for urgent attention. This was the point I started to worry. However sharing my thoughts and concerns with FLK friends helped, as did a relatively new administrative role within the branch which requires a fair amount of concentration, a bit of trial and error and, of course, plenty of help and very welcome training.

Four weeks after receiving a letter saying I was on a waiting list and it could be a long wait, I was at the eye pavilion sitting outside a consultant’s office. Even then when another patient sat beside me and said why she was there I confidently told her my problem wasn’t nearly as bad as hers and I would be fine. Then I saw the consultant who told me he would make an appointment for me to have the same, in my view, very unpleasant and quite scary treatment as the lady I had just been speaking to! This would be carried out monthly for at least 3 months when more photographs would be taken to see what, if any, progress had been made.

In the lead up to the actual appointment some of my Taoist Tai Chi® practice felt really soft but very powerful. Focusing and letting go have taken on even more meaning during this time but I now see for my own good I really must try harder.

On the morning of my first treatment, having slept surprisingly well, I was getting ready to leave when I felt the beginnings of a panic attack. Fortunately, I was able to almost relax on the journey to the hospital.

I did try some seated dan yus during my first stint in the waiting room but it was far too hot. However, as I was sitting in what I think is the correct position for seated foundations, I rested my hands, tigers mouth, on my knees, looked straight ahead and basically focused on nothing. I was vaguely aware of voices nearby but sounds rather than words and, in fact, during the actual procedure I was amazed to be told I was still nice and relaxed.

We really are so very lucky to be able to share in Master Moy’s teachings.

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